Russian student essays part 2

 And we continue:

6. Дантес не стоил выенного яйца Пушкина.
 Dante wasn't worth an eaten Pushkin's egg/ball.

7. Во двор въехали две лошади. Это были сыновя Тараса Бульбы.
 Two horses rode into the courtyard. They were sons of Taras Bulba.

8. Онегину нравился Байрон, поэтому он и повесил его над кроватью.
 Onegin liked Byron, so he hung him over his bed.

9. Герасим поставил на пол блюдечько, и стал тыкать в него мордочкой.
 Gerasim put a saucer on the floor and began poking his muzzle into it.

10. У Онегина было тяжело внутри и он пришелк Татьяне облехчиться. 
Onegin had a heaviness inside so he went to Tatiana to lighten it.

Note: "to lighten" You can make your own conclusion but the Russian word for it can also mean to go to the bathroom, in a similar way as one would say "going to think/ read."

Russian student essay quotes Part 1

I got my hands on a copy of a Russian newspaper article called " Excepts from student essays." A newspaper wouldn't publish just any excerpt, so these have got to be the funny ones. Now comes the challenge. There are 140 of them. I'm going to see if I can translate them to English and still maintain any of the funny.

(Plus some Russian typing practice for me, because I'm rusty to put it veeery kindly. )

This will be over a series of posts, because there is no way I can do this in one day and not go crazy.... well.. crazier.

 1. Трактор мчался но полю, слегка попахивая....
The tractor raced on the field, very lightly plowing....

Note:The Russian word used for plowing here also can read as "releasing a smell".

2. Летом мы с пацанами ходили в поход сночёвкой, и с собой взяли только необходимое: картошку, палатку и Марию Ивановну.
In the summer the boys and I went backpacking, and we only took the essentials with us: Potatoes, tents, and Maria Ivanovna.

3. Умер М.Ю. Лермонтов на Кавказе, но любил он его не поэтому!
M. U. Lermontov died in the Caucasus, but that's not why he loved them so much!

4. Плюшкин навалил у себя в углу целую кучу и каждый день туда подкидывал.
The hoarder did a pile in his corner and each day dropped more on to it.

5. Ленский вышел  на дуэль в панталонах. Оне разошлись и раздался выстрел.
Lenskiy came out to the duel in his pantaloons. They split and a shot was heard.

Charming cat

Fargo just drank human soup (Tanuki's bath water) then dribbled drool all over the back of my hand as I was giving them snack.

- Cat owner life. 

Tanuki married a cat

Tanuki: You're a cat... like a real cat?
Me: Meow

Later in conversation: 

Me: I caught food. Do you want a headless mouse presented to you? 
Tanuki: No. 
Me: Ok, I'll put it on your pillow.
Tanuki: *resigned sigh*


Yeah, I made food that day, the more appetising than mouse variety too.  

Forgot something

Dad: I forgot my phone! *searches..... finds phone* Huh I have my phone... I forgot something! What am I forgetting?
Mom: Your head....

Parent silliness

Dad: try to go out!
Dad trying to ask if we are leaving.

Mom in russian. Tanuki and i were invited for chili later in the day and told mom that we don't need much food, she was offering.

"Ok! You need to make room  (in stomach ) for the guests."

Sleep talking of the day

Husband's sleep talking contribution of the day: "I have a lesbian!" *in a happy voice*

Odd noises in odd places

So I hear strange singing from the bathroom.

Me: What is going on in there?
DH: I've been pooping for too long and someone mentioned Muppet babies.

Apparently he was singing the theme song in funny voices. 

Interesting store inventory

Friend and I went to a store. She was looking for an inflatable mattress for a guest that was coming soon. We went up the a sales associate.

Friend: Where could we find an inflatable mattress?
Associate: *probably a touch confused from difference from previous conversation with another customer* Huh?
Friend: A blow up mattress?
Associate: Oh! Hmm.. It should be near here... hmmm.
*Associate 2 walks by*
Associate: Hey! Do you know where the blow up dolls are?
Associate 2: WHA? O.O
Associate: Blow up MATTRESS! OMG!
Associate 2: *Gives location while laughing*
Associate: I can't believe I said blow up doll. *laughs*
Us: Have a great day and thanks!

Way with words 2

DH spoke about the mating dance of the North American nerd. A friends' boyfriend apparently has "The mating song of the North American nerd " to match.

Silly Dad Stories (SDS)

Silly Dad stories (SDS): I have been told by several people I should write a book about my family as it would make a wonderful comedy. I'll put in random stories that I remember. As the most common perpetrator of odd stuff is dad he gets to be in the title.

Dad tends to try to make sure we eat fruit which is nice. In the other hand he overdoes it and will sneak fruit into our bags when Mum and I go to work. So we end up with surprise mashed banana in the bag. 

In the past couple of weeks I've extracted chocolates, nuts, apples, tangerines and persimmons from my bag (no bananas this time). Oh and that's what got in before I caught him adding more stuff. He has attempted strawberries and other berries but at least he saw reason on those. It's not a convenient food to have in, or near a lab.

He doesn't usually tell us when what he puts in our bags so unless we look in before we leave home, or catch him in the act its a surprise.

Never a dull moment.

Silly Dad.

I keep saying that my dad really tries to personify the "absentminded and weird professor" stereotype. He did teach physics when he was in his physical engineering graduate program. He's amazing with electronics and built his first hand held portable radio at age 9-10 in the late 1940's early 1950's. No one in the area had those at that time. He can put together a computer from parts (including welding the circuitry boards). General interaction.... not so much.

Yes, I have found odd things in strange places. Like a blanket in the microwave (it wasn't on thankfully).

He is not great with languages. He tries, and has been learning English since he was a teenager. Results unfortunately are iffy and he forgets or mixes things up, leading to much hilarity.

My BIL is vegetarian, so when introduced mentioned that.
Dad: Ah! *nods in understanding* You're a vegetable!

:Laugh: BIL, having English as his 5th language, understood the mistake and took it with humor.

Dad will also say "Yes" to any question in meaning that he heard it. Resulting in " Yes! ...No" sometime. This has resulted in confusion many a time of people going "Uhh ... so which is it?"

Extras from yesterday:

Me: Did you know they discovered the gene for curly hair?
Dad: Crocodile?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dad: *yelling from downstairs* Mira! Mira! Mira! (For no reason)
Me: * Yelling From upstairs* What!
Dad: *to Mom* Why is she yelling? *surprised*
Mum: *laughed*

This was all within 15 minutes yesterday, second was just as we came in, all together into the house.

Mom shared this also, Dad yesterday kept restarting one of the computers at work then complained to Mom that an icon changed and was not changing back. Mom kindly told him to clean the monitor. There was a piece of apple peel over the icon on the screen.

He also seems to really want us to go on vacation to Bermuda over the holidays. Which is nice but I can't go due to work and he doesn't want to go himself. He still keeps bugging me to agree to go even though I explained several times very clearly that I can't. So Mom and I started joking that he wants to send us off to the Bermuda Triangle to disappear.

Strong senses and weak attentions

I ate some salami as a snack and then got some dried fruits.
Mum looks in: It smells like salami here.
Me: *looking innocent show her the bowl of fruit*
Mum: Nope, still smells like salami. You ate it.
Me: Yup!

Amazing sense of smell right here.


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Also Mum found a chunk of butter (4mm thick, 3 by 7 cm) on the kitchen floor. Went to Dad to ask how that happened.
Dad: I jut put a little bit on the sandwich I don't know how that happened!
Mum: How much is your little bit not to notice the loss of this chunk?

Those multipawed cats.

Dad: So you've been to Key west?
Mom: Yes, went there for 4 days a couple of years ago with Mira and my sister.
Dad: So you visited the Hemfield place.
Mom and I: Hemingway!
Dad: Yes, that. Saw the cats with the weird paws.
Mom: Yes the 6 pawed cats.
Me: LOL
Mom: 6 toed! That's an odd image.

Suspicious fridge activity

This morning when I came down to the kitchen I saw Dad in the fridge, both arms and head all the way in. Mum doesn't like when he rearranges her fridge (his is in the basement). I was not trying to walk quietly or anything either. I just came near and looked in the fridge over his shoulder to see what he was doing and said "Good Morning". The response: He jumped up with a "I'm not doing anything! Don't scare me!" and ran off downstairs.

Hmmm....

Running to get you.

I was talking on the phone with Mom asking if they could pick me up.
Mom (about Dad): "He's running to get you..... except he's running the other way... with a ladder. ... Oh ok, now he's running to the door, without the ladder."

Directions are a little funny there,

Dad's call just now telling me when they'll be here.
"We're by the plaza, we'll be on the bread crust in 15 minutes."

Bread crust?

Songs of a strange childhood.

Dad has times where he just bursts you with sing song rhymes. Most of them are not high culture let's just say. It's like a moment of regression to his teen/childhood years. Most of these things he learned then.

This morning when in the car dad randomly burst out in a song that went something like this:
"Alibaba~ Fierce thief, burping up sausages parting often,
Aalibaba, Having rowdy parties, not letting go of the ladies~
Aalibaba going out to thief every night~ " (Translation).

Continued until Mom turned up the radio. I mentioned that I haven't heard that one before and he said he just made it up.

One which is rather ... interesting and uses homophones.

Russian:
"Nas rano, nas rano mama razbudila,
S rakami, s rakami, kashei nakarmila,
s rantsami, s rantsami v shkolu otpustila."

Translation (literal):
" Early, early, mother woke us up,
With crab, With crab, fed us oatmeal,
with book bags, with book bags, sent us off to school."

Now the repeated things have two meanings 1. literal original, 2. homophone word (the two combined is that one word).

"nas rano" - 1. Us early, 2. Pooped all over (not as polite)
"s rakami" - 1. With crab, 2. Poop
"s rantsami" - 1. With book bags, 2. Those who pooped themselves.

When he bursts out with these things we just assume he's regressing to his teen self.

And this one he taught me very young:

Russian:
"Grom grimit, zemlya tresyotsa,
Pop na kuritse nestyotsa,
Kuritsa legaetsa, pop sidit rugaetsa"

Translation:
"Thunder thunders, earth shakes,
Pope runs riding on a chicken,
Chicken is kicking, the pope is ranting. "

Then there are the rhymes. Such as:

Russian:
"Govorilo to litso chem sadyatsa na kryiltso"

Translation: Spoke that face with which the porch is sat on.

Invasion of the squirrel kind.

I came in to the lab to find a visitor there... building a nest.

Video evidence right here.

Some one left the window open overnight and this little one started building a nest here. Harvesting materials from the vines and from the paper towels in the room. We had to close the window after this. Better now so the squirrel could get start on a new nest faster rather than later with the far less nice exterminator.

Some image evidence of the rascal too from the time we were thinking "Aww, she's getting things for her nest in the vines".. not in the next room:

Double check which bag is lunch, triple check even!

One time dad packed his lunch containers in plastic bag. Then went to clean the litter box, packed that in a plastic bag to throw out.

He put a bag in his bag and threw one out then went to work. At work he got ready to eat a late breakfast, opened his bag.... and found used cat litter.

Poor dad had to go and buy lunch that day.